Confessions No. 3

Then there is the temptation of the ego.

To be proud, ashamed, is insignificant,
looking in a rear-view mirror or
in a shop window & not recognizing,
catching a glimpse of myself years ago
like a lost photograph or a vision of
years ahead—someone I used to know.

The temptation is to deny, to create
false memories, place or replace yourself
with someone else, to remember differently
than the facts that cannot be retraced.

Then there is the temptation of reason:
I could have done that, been him, more.
And then there are the limits I am
all too ready to accept with I did my best,
and then less is enough.

Truth be told.

If I go back a dozen years to that wooden chair
with the borrowed headphones, the borrowed music,
I’m going back some day, come what may to…
If I could take back my prayer:
Please, release…
Would I be able to?