Birdbrain Lives!

for Allen

Birdbrain is dead.
Birdbrain is buried in Gomel Chesed Cemetery in Essex County New Jersey.
Birdbrain wrote this before Birdbrain wrote this.
Birdbrain is dead.
Long live Birdbrain!

Birdbrain teaches high school English, lectures more than he should.
Birdbrain even bores himself.
Birdbrain is dedicated to her job, wants to inspire, motivate, and save the little beasts.
Birdbrain leaves children behind.
Birdbrain follows Oprah, thinks she the victim with the hairy husband brute.
Birdbrain watches Fox News, worships at the altar of Hannity, O’Reilly, Limbaugh, Coulter.
Birdbrain is unfair and lacks balance.
Birdbrain is a good American.
Birdbrain has nightmare sweats in Saudi Arabia, panic fears for peak oil, barrels, gallons, five dollar gas.
Birdbrain sits at home trading stocks.
Birdbrain ignores the sun, disregards the hurricane.
Birdbrain sees man as no influence, denies global warming, calls it cycle—ice caps melt, polar bears are renting
moving vans.
Birdbrain chugs a Big Gulp of crude oil, cruising start/stop, red light, red light, in the city in his Hummer.
Birdbrain! Birdbrain!

Birdbrain finds love with a backup dancer, an aspiring french-fry rapper.
Birdbrain keeps it real.
Birdbrain squeezes out babies like toothpaste, treats them like plastic props.
Birdbrain changes his name to misspelled initials or an amount of coins.
Birdbrain cuts her hair, shaves head, wears a pink wig, designs a clothing line.
Birdbrain introduces a new fragrance.
Birdbrain doesn’t want to go to rehab—NO, NO, NO!
Birdbrain calls paparazzi to take family photos.
Birdbrain was a child actor, loved by millions for a sweet, simple smile and just enough sass.
Birdbrain sits in jail.
Birdbrain knows why the caged bird sings.
Birdbrain! Birdbrain! Birdbrain!

Birdbrain went to Yale, ran a baseball team, was king of Texas, plays golf with daddy and bubba Jeb, has meetings
with Dick, plots a new strategic endgame.
Birdbrain should be hooked on phonics.
Birdbrain wears a flag pin on his lapel.
Birdbrain doesn’t wear a flag pin on his lapel.
Birdbrain wastes millions pressing flesh in Iowa, New Hampshire.
Birdbrain invented politics of personal destruction.
Birdbrain doesn’t use politics of personal destruction.
Birdbrain uses her turn signal.
Birdbrain yields to pedestrians.
Birdbrain conspires.
Birdbrain is heart of vast right wing conspiracy.
Birdbrain believes some crimes aren’t hate crimes.
Birdbrain wants to deep fat sizzle fry all convicts convicted of everything ever committed ever.
Birdbrain runs with scissors.
Birdbrain despises diplomacy, thinks home is where the heart is.
Birdbrain taps his toes in airport bathrooms.
Birdbrain has big bad expensive Star Wars missile defense system for blowing up video game shootout.
Birdbrain waves it like he just don’t care.
Birdbrain is up for sainthood.
Birdbrain! Birdbrain! Birdbrain! Birdbrain!

Birdbrain claims the temple mount alone, wants wailing wall for self.
Birdbrain wants to partition hell for the infidels.
Birdbrain prays for locusts.
Birdbrain prays for Armageddon—come Armageddon, come.
Birdbrain waits for virgins.
Birdbrain waits for second coming.
Birdbrain waits for enlightenment.
Birdbrain says no God lives.
Birdbrain rounds up Burmese monks for mass pit death, silencing the opposition march.
Birdbrain shuts off the internet, blows up YouTube headquarters, orders pizza and beer.
Birdbrain is a little man with a shortcut beard who does not wear a tie, desperately compensating for some manly
lack with possible nuclear ambitions in Iran.
Birdbrain left his heart in San Francisco.
Birdbrain sets it and forgets it.
Birdbrain likes Sonic commercials.
Birdbrain has it his way, eats the slaughtered flesh of our little friends, knows meat is murder.
Birdbrain started PETA.
Birdbrain brakes out lab rats, sets fire to medical labs finding cancer cures.
Birdbrain eats bacon.
Birdbrain is first round draft pick, talented quarterback, pits dog against dog.
Birdbrain loses endorsement deals, calls press conference.
Birdbrain apologizes for everything but…
Birdbrain is one out of five dentists who doesn’t prefer Crest.
Birdbrain sends money to deposed prince of Africa.
Birdbrain reads email.
Birdbrain orders magic cure for marital happiness.
Birdbrain buys an iphone, can’t leave home without her ipod, can’t tell you who sang anything.
Birdbrain takes multi-vitamins.
Birdbrain needs the chiropractor.
Birdbrain saves up for monthly colonics and oatmeal treatments.
Birdbrain shops for Christmas in October.
Birdbrain lives an unexamined life.
Birdbrain memorizes the “to be or not to be” speech.
Birdbrain goes to concerts wearing the promo t-shirt of the band.
Birdbrain thinks life a midway carnival game of knocking down lead weighted milk bottles.
Birdbrain finds the perfect match through online dating sites.
Birdbrain peers into the mirror and loves himself.
Birdbrain out drinks Dean Martin.
Birdbrain is the little man who smokes.
Birdbrain says, “Thomas Jefferson survives.”
Birdbrain pays his social committee dues.
Birdbrain bowls a perfect game.
Birdbrain doesn’t think you need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
Birdbrain wants Sam to play it again.
Birdbrain says fu-sizzle.
Birdbrain still runs the world.
Birdbrain lives.
Birdbrain is dead.
Long live Birdbrain!